Maybe I'm being a bit too surface level in terms of what I'm trying to convey - probably because I'm worried that if I don't stick to one aspect of ageing it'll get too overblown. I don't want my film to be too concerned with vanity and the outward appearance of ageing. (Does it feel cruel?)
My anxieties are probably less about appearance or a desire to look young. And rather more down to seeing age-related ails of family members: arthritis; macular degeneration; stroke; Alzheimer’s (all the good stuff!). It’s these aspects of growing old - the changing body, mind and ‘sense of self’ – that really concern me. So I’d like to give more thought to portraying these fears and to flesh out the experience of the character and show that her worries aren’t just surface level; that there are many aspects of growing old that are unknown to her and are cause for anxiety. Even if I have to portray these physically, I'd like to portray a sense of this. Maybe I can venture under her skin – in quite a literal way visually to portray things like this.
Also, from chatting to my mum a bit (and reading/ listening to various things - like an episode of the Michelle Obama podcast yesterday), I'm realising the extent of the taboo around ageing in our culture – particularly for women and menopause. I guess this lack of public discourse around ageing contributes to my worries; so, it’s important to confront that. I’m attempting to portray that idea of not knowing, and therefore fear surrounding ageing. Maybe posing the question of why we don’t talk about ageing more – seeing as it more or less inevitable!
So, I need to think harder about what I want to show in terms of her speculative journey into growing old. I’d like to flesh out these fears to increase the impact of what we see on screen. Here are some rough ideas:
A quick character test to get a sense of physicality (I enjoyed this, just need to push it further for the ageing sequences) :
Also thought a bit about 'Egg' by Martina Scarpelli. Her use of space is a really interesting way to show how the character is feeling; the box like room expands and contracts around her - forcing her into spaces for a sense of claustrophobia and or creating space around her to evoke isolation. I can try a similar thing - either with the bathroom or the character's physical presence in it.
Last night I finally got round to watching 'I'm thinking of Ending Things'. Alan had mentioned it in week 2 I think, and it's been on my watchlist for a while. It was very Kaufman. I'm never sure if I like his films; they're on one level very self-involved (I think knowingly so) and unpleasant or unenjoyable to watch (definitely deliberately). His characters are often deplorable, but always say things that are annoyingly relatable. Ageing is probably the overarching theme here - the older Jake is thinking about the life he might've had, and his parents are constantly shifting around in their life (from middle aged, to young to on their deathbed). So I suppose this is almost the opposite of what I'm trying to do (i.e. consider what's to come, not what might've been). Either way, I like how disturbing and absurd it was. It also taught me that the study of ageing is called 'gerontology'.
Also, as I write this, 'mirror in the bathroom' is playing on the radio. Seems like a funny coincidence. I hadn't heard it before but looked it up and watched it's very 80s video on youtube. Lots of bathroom/ mirror imagery - quite fun!
What's next??
I plan on writing my film out in prose alongside storyboarding to give a better sense of what's going to play out on screen.
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